If you have read the ‘about’ page on my blog you may understand what I’m trying to achieve in this blog.
I am going to give a little more detail now..about myself and what I want to achieve.
Ok! I’m a 41 year old male, I live in wales (UK) and I weigh 19 stone 5 lbs (271 lbs). I am 5 foot 8 and a fart inches tall! My first body health goal is to get to 16.5 stone. (229lbs) whilst gaining lean muscle. My cholesterol is 7.8 (very high)
I do not wish to put a date by which I MUST achieve it..I don’t want to be to disappointed if I don’t make it, but the date I have in mind is 29 Nov 2014.
When I have achieved that goal I will set another. I want this blog to continue as long as I continue improving myself…for the rest of my life I hope!
On 29th Nov my family are having a celebratory meal to mark my dads retirement and his 60th birthday..and for the first time in a long time, I would love to feel no shame at my body size and shape in front of my family. (Not that they judge!)
I intend to use this blog to document every meal, every workout and every achievement or setback on this journey. I’m sure there will be plenty of both. Before I start the blog properly though I would like to give you, in the shortest form I can, a history of who I am and how I got where I am. I hope it won’t be too boring, and maybe you will be able to relate to some of it.
I will start from the age of 15! At 15 nearly 16 I joined the army and during that time became VERY fit. Not just ‘Army fit’…I ran competitively and did various other forms of exercise. I ran 10k as my preferred distance and even came 11th in the Muenster (Germany) half Marathon at one point, against some very serious runners. I got down to about 10 stone in weight (140 lbs).
After around 4 years of service I started getting bouts of depression followed by periods when I felt I was invincible and could achieve anything! During these periods I did achieve a lot too! Eventually due to the lack of help within the army medical system I began to drink too much to self medicate and ease my suffering.
Fast forward another 6 years and I was medically discharged with a diagnosis of Bi-polar.
I was let loose into civvie street with a large amount of compensation money and a serious untreated mental illness….as you can imagine, with a lot of money, Bi-polar and no experience of life outside the army I had a whale of a time whilst getting myself into situations that saw me getting admitted into hospital and in trouble with the law.
I was working throughout this time, with my brother, who helped me cope no end. Eventually I could no longer function in a workplace with other people, I started to withdraw and lose my social skills and self confidence. I attempted suicide (not for the first time) and became very poorly.
After getting over that bout of depression I decided to start my own business which became successful enough (due to the high periods of my Bi-Polar) to live a decent lifestyle, but I was still very poorly inside. I had carried on drinking since I left the army but this increased to 3 bottles of wine every night to cope with the stress. It was doing my liver and my weight no favours.
I was very lucky to be with a wonderful woman (my wife since last year) at the time. In 2009 I had a massive breakdown and was persuaded by my girlfriend and family to give up my business and stop work until I felt better. Reluctantly I did so.
Eventually I managed to get some help from the NHS (only after suicide attempts and my girlfriend having to go to the local Newspaper) and I now have a diagnosis of Bi-Polar, PTSD and Borderline personality disorder.
Although you do not know my name I am very ashamed to share this with you. I am a proud ex soldier who was fit and of service to someone and am now a heavily overweight out of work struggling beginner artist. However I always kept a small light of ambition inside me, and this is becoming brighter. I WILL succeed. I hope some of you will join me too!
Last year was the turning point. I became increasingly unwell, lethargic and generally devoid of energy. I was getting up all night to urinate every night and I eventually collapsed and sought medical advice.
I was in DKA (Diabetic Ketoacidosis.) A dangerous condition which is potentially fatal. My blood sugars were at 20 something (a non diabetic should be in the mid 5 range most of the time.)
I was diagnosed as diabetic in Febuary 2013.
I have managed to control my sugars through diet and ignoring NHS advice (I do not advise anyone ignores NHS advice..I am doing so as it is helping me). I am blessed with the ability to get not bored of research! So I researched Diabetes for hours and hours a day until I understood it and then acted on it. I will be sharing my diet and the reasons why I eat what in this blog too.
I should also mention that I am also one and a half years into a course of DBT to help me cope with my BPD. I will be sharing things I have learnt here too. You do not need to have any mental illness to benefit from DBT therapy. It is based on mindfulness which is said to be able to help 99% of people with some aspect of their lives.
Until I started DBT I was drinking way too much and burning myself with red hot forks and cigarettes on my thighs and arms.
In fact the amount of maladaptive behaviour I took place in was very damaging to my health!
So there I am! I have told you everything in a nutshell. I will be writing at least once a day, maybe more, and I will be honest. I will blog when I am depressed, on a Bi-polar high and when I’m angry too. I want this blog to be therapeutic for me as well as maybe helping you. If you have any suggestions for me or comments please feel free to write them!
May I just take this chance to say that obviously I am not qualified in fitness training or nutrition..the methods and training program I will be using I will be developing myself. I do have a good understanding of nutrition and exercise from the days I was fit. I do also do a lot of research. I have just not been able to implement any into my life until now. Please do not take what I say as Gospel…research it yourself if you have any doubt 🙂
I know there will be readers with a far greater knowledge than I have about certain subjects, so if you can help or suggest new/ better ways of doing things that would be great too!
With a great deal of embarrassment I am about to share some photos of myself with you as I am now (19.5 stone). I realise these are not very attractive photos ..so I’m sorry in advance for hurting your eyes! I will be adding a progress picture each Friday (from next week- 22 08.14) with my weight updates etc.
So here I am!
I have blurred my tattoo just in case anybody recognizes it! As I said, I will add my face eventually..I’m just too ashamed at this moment of my journey.
I will not add my diet and workouts for today. I will do that every day starting from tomorrow (15.08.14) along with my blood sugar levels and helpful tips for all aspects of life that I have picked up during the last 20 years of being mentally ill.
Thank you for reading this (if anyone has!) and I hope you will help me or join me on this exciting journey toward a better and longer life 🙂